Updated: Sep 16, 2020
Hoop earrings evoke comedy sketch, ancient Minoans
Call it the Real Housewives of Knossos, Series Two...Bronx native and Gigli star Jennifer Lopez decided to trade the quiet comforts of Manhattan North, er, the Hamptons for a few days on a different but also long island, which if you're in the Mediterranean neck of the woods can only mean Crete.
J. Lo was characteristically coy about her specific whereabouts in her Instagram post that presumably features the sole selfie she posted during her four-day stay on the island, but what we can glean from various Greek press reports is that the booty-shaking, Ben Affleck-tolerating American entertainer-goddess spent some time by the beach around Agios Nikolaos and Elounda, having arrived earlier by private jet to Chania and transferring by private helicopter (is there such a thing as a public helicopter?) to Lassithi prefecture, which is the easternmost regional unit of Crete.
Spies said she had on sunglasses, a big hat and a mask. But a closer look at J. Lo's post reveals the star to be sporting something else too: her signature hoops—you know, the kind of earrings that say, "I fight other women". Further analysis reveals that J. Lo's decision to wear metallic hoops may have been a moment of innocent unconscious cultural appropriation, as the ladies of the ancient Minoan palace of Knossos in another part of Crete also seem to have favored hoops...
Lopez was visiting with a Greek friend from the island and apparently fourth husband-to-be, former Yankee slugger Alex Rodriguez, was nowhere to be seen. So it looks like her Cretan idyll was more on the order of a "girlfriends' getaway."
It's possible that J. Lo stayed at or near the Elounda Mare resort, which has a solid range of sea view restaurants and also a Six Senses Spa—perfect for giving that famously gyrating posterior a much-need reprieve— and where the newest addition is the Minoan Palace, a four-bedroom beachfront villa well suited for families. The Elounda Peninsula All Suite Hotel and Porto Elounda Golf & Spa Resort are under the same umbrella. The Blue Palace resort, which once welcomed Lady Gaga is another possibility.
Since celebrities like Tom Hanks are known to go incognito on the islands, often eschewing trendy spots for more locals-only kinds of places, I wondered if J. Lo and her posse (two bodyguards and the friend) might have diverted from the beach to the immediate hinterlands to enjoy some locavore Cretan cooking at my favorite traditional taverna in the area, the Dikti taverna. I asked an in-the-know friend three times and I was thrice denied so I have to figure it's possible that J. Lo at least might have thought about giving some of Crete's more traditional gourmet delights a try.
Also not clear is which private aviation company J. Lo used to travel to Crete, but we have heard about a new service linking Mykonos up with London, called Aero.
Next year, assuming the world hasn't completely disintegrated by then (a big assumption), you should be able to make the short hop from Athens to Crete via Hellenic Seaplanes. For now, sit back and watch "Hoops" in its entirety here: